I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
