is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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