you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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