elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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