the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
