Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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