Are we in a gay sports bar?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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