His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
