dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
