Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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