porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
