I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
