i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
