i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
