everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
