The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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