Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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