We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
