I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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