I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
