You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
