I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
