dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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