we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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