She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
