i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
