Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
