I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
