porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
