Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
