When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
