how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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