You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
