I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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