Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
