alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
