I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
