96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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