it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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