Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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