god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
