idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
