it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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