Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
