So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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