Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
