i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
