he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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