the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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