He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
