Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
